Friday, May 29, 2009

Grilling Goodness

It's that time again. Feel free to copy onto your blog. It will be interesting reading yours!!!

1. If you had 10 hours at home alone, what would you do?

First of all, I would relax in a warm bubble bath, then I will fix me something to eat and then I will read a nice book and then take a nap. (I hope this 10hours does not include cleaning the house - LOL)

2. Do you have a fond memory of your dad?

Unfortunately, cause I'm such a great person, not ... LOL

3. Do you prefer the pool or the beach?

beach ...

4. What's the furthest you've driven for one day of fun?

probably to Pretoria for the Spring Jazz festival

5. Solid, clear solid, clear gel or aerosol? Deodorant of choice, that is.

definitely clear solid ...

6. Do you tan or burn/peel?

none ... don't like sitting in the sun at all ...

7. What's your favorite pasta-based meal?

lasagne and the Sicilian chicken bake ... yum-yum

8. Do you wax or pluck your eyebrows?

wax ...

enjoy the weekend!!!!!!

Lotsa love
Kim

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Guilty conscience or guilt trip?????

I have not been dieting or rather eating healthy and exercising for at least 3 months now...

Randy on the other hand has joined the gym and goes at least 3 times per week.

Somehow this whole get into shape and healthy thing has come back to haunt me ... I feel so guilty when we get home he drops his things, gets undressed, puts on his sweat pants, a t-shirt and sneakers and kisses me on the cheek and off he goes to gym ...

At first I looked at it and thought it at least gives me time to read, scrap, spend time with Varney helping him with his schoolwork ... But I feel so guilty ...

I don't think the exercising part makes me feel more guilty then the healthy eating part does. We have lunch together most of the times and I have to admit that I am the bad influence on him.

This what we eat:

Breakfast: a muffin and coffee or toasted sandwich and coffee or a full breakfast ...
Snack: sweets/crisps/choccies/yogurt
Lunch: burger and chips/stir fry/fish and chips/MacDonald's with a soft drink
Snack: sweets/crisps/choccies

My problem is not breakfast or supper ... I think its the food we eat in-between.

Randall has gone all health-conscious and it is driving me up the wall. It's winter and I crave all sorts of unhealthy foods and am too scared to tell him I want to eat this or that.

Yesterday was even worse when he announced, after an unhealthy bacon and cheese burger, that he wants to eat boiled veggies and protein more ...

Can someone help me out with a meal plan that is at least edible ... LOL

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Hate my father!

Today is one of those days when I absolutely hate my sperm donor.

Yes, I'm referring to him as merely a sperm donor cause according to me that is all he was and is in my life. He left my mom when I was 10days old and finally divorced her when I was turning two ... so guys I hope you understand ...

Anyways, my reason for feeling this way is because he made a commitment to my mother when he married her... The same vows he made to his new wife ... STEPMOTHER from HELL!!!

Here he is taking care of her, her children (yes, they not my dad's) and her grandchildren and when I look at my mom I just think that my father should have been taking care of her. Especially now that she has aged.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom ALOT and I'd do anything for her. But sometimes it just gets too much!

We gave up our place we were renting and moved back to her to help her financially as she is unemployed. She lived in the cottage and then my sister was in trouble financially. She lost her house and we then decided that it would be best for her to move into the cottage with her kids until she is financial stable.

Now me, Randy, Varney and mom is living in the house. Space is not a problem at it is a 3bed house, lounge, kitchen and bathroom.

My problem is this ... I take care of the grocery which includes meat, etc., I pay the W&L, I pay the phone bill, I see to bread and milk daily, I see to the week's veggies, I see to every little thing that runs short and my mother gets an allowance from us and she draws a pension. But still she threw a tantrum of not having money last night.

She has 3 other children that don't give a f*ck whether she eats or is clean. I mean really now WTF!!!!

How can they be so selfish ...

I don't want this to drive a wedge between me and Randy, because I might be old school or something, but I just feel guilty when we do stuff for my mother and not worry about his parents!!!

Guys ... I need advise please ... how do I handle this situation ...

Monday, May 25, 2009

How I met Randall ...

ok so here goes ... the novel ... LOL ...

Back to the future …

We’ve known each other since school days … since 1998 to be exact. But, none of us bothered to talk to each other. Although he says I used to ignore him when I used to walk past him and he used to greet me. (I don’t recall this info, although my friend says its true – LOL.)

Anyways in 2003, I started noticing the dude, but I thought he was gay. My reason for these thoughts: I always used to see him with girls and therefore my conclusion based on this was that he was so GAY!!!!

Well October 2003 was our matric dance and that was the first time I greeted him. We were on our way home from our after party and I hitched a ride with him and his friends. They dropped me off at home safe and sound. Then somehow it all went back to the no ‘hello’ situation again.

Late 2004, his friend and my friend started dating. Though me and my friend always used to visit him and his friend and vice versa we never said one word to each other.

The following year, 2005, he started working for the same company as me and we always used to pass each other but still never said a word to each other. I don’t know if we were just too shy to talk to each other or was it the whole him being English speaking and me being Afrikaans speaking.

This one day in October of 2005, his BIL, whom also happened to work for the same company, approached me asking me if I had space in my car because Randall and a friend needed transport. Of course there was only space for on but one of the guys travelling with me was going to finish end of October. He then asked me to let him know as soon as there was space.

In November, myself and my work friend Octavia then approached Randall and his friend to travel with us. We then started chatting every morning and afternoon while Octavia and Kyle used to sleep in the car. That is where our friendship started. Giving each other advice on relationships, chatting about anything, teasing each other, laughing at silly thing and jokes. But, for me it was only ‘friendship’, as I was in, what I thought was, a committed relationship. (Completely different topic – will post at a later stage.) For him, as he says, was love at first sight. For me not...

December 31, 2005. We hung out after work. Me, him, Octavia, Kyle and a few of his other friends. I had just broken up with my ex, but I did not tell Randall about it. After all, it was New Years Eve and time to party. He called me one side and I could see he wanted to tell me or ask me something, when we got interrupted by his one friend. I could see he was pissed at his friend and probably thought ‘good timing, bro’, but instead he said something along the line of ‘dude can’t you see I’m chatting with my girlfriend’. At that time my phone rang and I could not reply to what he had just said and besides I thought he was just saying that so that nobody else could bother me.

The phone call was from my mom that needed to go somewhere. So, I pretended that I did not hear him saying that, because at the time he was in a relationship as well, and said goodbye to everyone and got ready to leave.

Of course we only saw each other after the holidays …

So during that time I made up with my ex, even though we still used to travel together no other conversation was made between us except hello’s and goodbye’s.

Our department relocated to a new office block and there after I lost all contact with him. One cold day in June I drove past him and when I looked into the rear view mirror he was waving me to stop, but I continued on my journey. At that time he had broken up with his ex, as I was told by Octavia who still had contact with him as him and her hubby became friends.

In August 2006 I finally decided that it was time to turn a new page in my life and I dumped my ex yet again! At that time, Randall was made permanent and got e-mail functionality and maybe thought he would break the ice by mailing me. I was shocked to see his email pop up and to learn that he was made permanent and that he had recently bought himself a car. He also told me about his ex and that they had broken up. Of course I just acted as a good friend and read and replied to his emails.

During that time Octavia's department also relocated to our new office park and we once again travelled together. During the course of that week I met him at her house while dropping her off after work. (I still think this was a set-up!) We spoke to each other and exchanged telephone numbers as he still had my old number and I had changed my number not to be stalked by the ex.

A week after his birthday in October the cute lovey-dovey sms’ and emails started pouring in. At first, I did not want to reply as I did not want to be seriously involved again. But something in me said otherwise….

On November 1 he asked me if we could hang out, but I told him my schedule was full, I lied of course … LOL, but I told him we could hang out the following day.

November 2 2006, that night he confessed all his feelings to me. How he fell inlove with me when we were still at school. How he was afraid that I might reject him. How, if we were dating that time already, happy we would have been. How he dreams about me and wants to be with me. This of course made me melt as I have never experienced this. A man laying out all his cards on the table and not knowing if he does have a future with me. A man who was not shy or embarrassed to open up to me in a way that he did. It was soo different, but yet so scary …

I was speechless and all I could say was we have to take things slow. I was scared of opening my heart to someone again. I was scared to get to know someone again and at the end of the day that person still chooses someone else over you…

We started dating … and today we are married …

PS: now I'm challenging all of you to post about the first time he said I love you ... LOL

Friday, May 22, 2009

Things I have done ...

This is a list of possible things you've done in your life...bold the ones you've actually done.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Been on a roller coaster
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of Table Mountain
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow man
25. Visited the Union Buildings
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Scored a goal
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited America
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in movie
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Given flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the sea
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Cried until your tears dried up
101. Rode in a race car
102. Drove a race car
103. Cried when u were happy or received good news
104. Made prank calls
105. Gone to the moon
106. Got your heart broken
107. Broken someone else’s heart

108. Been to Mauritius
109. Watched the clouds flow by
110. Wished you were in someone else’s shoes
111. Had your ears pierced
112. Got a tattoo
113. Lied to a loved one
114. Bunked school/class
115. Smoked a cigarette
116. Consumed alcohol

117. Stolen something from a friend
118. Stolen something from a restaurant/hotel
119. Laughed until your tummy ached
120. Choked in a restaurant
121. Danced/sang in front of a mirror
122. Been to the zoo
123. Touched/held a snake
124. Own a pet
125. Visited India
126. Visited Dubai
127. Been to the pyramids in Egypt
128. Been at a stay awake
129. Been lost
130. Been to a circus

I'm tagging all those who read my blog ....

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dear blog ...

Why are you so quiet lately?

You don't have any visitors or posts. You seem to be like a forgotten diary of a young girl who is now to in love with something else. Your pages are aching to be typed on, but yet I cant seem to find the words to fill it with.

If typing was a pen, I'm sure you would have been full of scribbles. But, instead you are blank.

Promises I broke when I said I would post something everyday. Please believe me when I say, I try to, although I cant find the words to say ...

I made a commitment to you when I created you. But, still I fail dismally in maintaining you.

I will not make any promises or commitments no more. But I will try to visit and post more often.

I suck at blogging, but give me time to improve on my hidden talent.

I hope you can forgive me ...

Until I post again!

With love
Kim
xoxoxo

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

We are ...

* all still alive and fine ..
* Randy is still going to gym regularly ...
* I am still contemplating going with him ...
* Varney's reading has improved drastically and yes he is no longer in an Afrikaans reader but in the book he should be
* His self-confidence I'd say is 6/10 which is good ...
* My car is still broken, but will be fixed this weekend ...
* The budgeting together thing is not going well at all ... I guess we should leave it as is and each of us should still stick to his/her responsibilities ..

Well that is it ... I think ...

Enjoy the day ...

Love
Kim

Monday, May 18, 2009

Grilling Goodness

1. Where do your shoes 'live'?

I have to admit and say my shoes live in a basket. Yip even the 'new' ones or the pretty ones. I just cant seem to take care of my shoes.

2. When it's 'clean house' day, where do you start?

In our bedroom. I cant start cleaning the rest of the house if the bed has not been made.

3. What instrument would you like to learn to play?

The piano. When I was little I used to love visiting my aunt so that I can play 'Twinkle, little star' that my cousin taught me to play. And one Christmas I got a keyboard from my aunt for a Christmas gift.

4. How is your mood when you're tired? Hungry? Ill?

Tired: irritable, hungry: cant think, Ill: crappy, bitchy

5. If you could change a decision you made this week, what would it be?

Nothing ... all conclusions or resolutions are the right ones.

6. Have you ever used public transportation regularly?

Yes, when I just started working I had to take a taxi into town and then a bus to work. Those were the good old days...

7. What are you thankful for this week?

I'm thankful that I can experience the warmth and love of family and friends. I am thankful that all our needs are met, we have food to eat, clothes on our back, a job, petrol to get to work ... I'm truly thankful for it all. Thank you God!

8. What do you need to do more often?

I need to love more freely. I need to make more time for myself, my child and my family. I really need to stop and smell the roses.

10 Commandments for good parenting

1. What you do matters.
“Tell yourself that every day. How you treat and respond to your child should come from a knowledgeable, deliberate sense of what you want to accomplish. Always ask yourself: What effect will my decision have on my child?”

2. You cannot be too loving.
“When it comes to genuine expressions of warmth and affection, you cannot love your child too much. It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love. What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love—things like leniency, lowered expectations or material possessions.”

3. Be involved in your child’s life.
"Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs you to do. Be there mentally as well as physically.”

4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child.
“Make sure your parenting keeps pace with your child’s development. You may wish you could slow down or freeze-frame your child’s life, but this is the last thing he wants. You may be fighting getting older, but all he wants is to grow up. The same drive for independence that is making your three-year-old say ‘no’ all the time is what’s motivating him to be toilet trained. The same intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table.”

5. Establish and set rules.
“If you don’t manage your child’s behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren’t around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself.”

6. Foster your child’s independence.
“Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, she’s going to need both. Accepting that it is normal for children to push for autonomy is absolutely key to effective parenting. Many parents mistakenly equate their child’s independence with rebelliousness or disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of human nature to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else.”

7. Be consistent.
“If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion, or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child’s misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it.”

8. Avoid harsh discipline.
“Of all the forms of punishment that parents use, the one with the worst side effects is physical punishment. Children who are spanked, hit or slapped are more prone to fighting with other children. They are more likely to be bullies and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others.”

9. Explain your rules and decisions.
“Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to. Generally, parents overexplain to young children and underexplain to adolescents. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn’t have the priorities, judgment or experience that you have.”

10. Treat your child with respect.
“The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully. You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Try to please him when you can. Children treat others the way their parents treat them. Your relationship with your child is the foundation for her relationships with others.”

There is no guarantee that following these guidelines will result in perfect parents... remember, there is no such thing!

Friday, May 15, 2009

The secret

I want to buy myself this book by Christian D Larson.

Actually, I'm going to.

I love this part that I got in an email...

I promise myself
To be strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticise others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.
Christian D. Larson

and the reading ......

*drum roll*

went great ... besides the fact that his teacher gave him an Afrikaans reader. Now I don't have a problem with Afrikaans, BUT he is in an English class. He does understand Afrikaans. He can speak Afrikaans and YES he can read it.

My concern is: isn't this going to make him confuse his words more then he already is doing?

I'm so concerned about this, because all the books we buy for him is in English. We talk to him in English, but his friends talk to him in Afrikaans.

Sjoe, I'm so confused. I'm thinking of writing that teacher a letter or better yet setting up an appointment to go and see her.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

So proud of my boy!!!!!!!!!!

He has finally been given a new reader at school and he is so excited and wants to read to me tonight. Wow!

My prayers are being answered.... Thank God!!!!!

Now for that teacher of his that told me if he doesn't concentrate on his reading she will fail him this year. This is for you:

Ages 6 to 9

Learning to read:

When children start school they are usually excited about learning to read and can't wait to read stories for themselves. Often, though, they are disappointed because reading turns out to be more difficult then they expected. Many children, even very clever ones, take quite a long time to learn to read. Also, the books they learn to read at first are not nearly as interesting as the stories you have been reading.

What can you do?

The golden rule is not to make an issue of children's difficulties with reading. The last thing they need is to be made to feel anxious; what they do need is encouragement and praise. Pressure to succeed may just confirm for them that reading is difficult and unpleasant. The whole idea of books and reading may become a nightmare - an attitude which can remain with them for life.
Practise with your child by all means, but practise only with homework reading, not when you are reading to him for pleasure. Read aloud with your child, occasionally pointing to the words, until he or she feels able to continue alone. If he begins to struggle, join in again immediately in a supportive way. This helps to build confidence and establish a fluent pace. It also helps the child to understand the sense of the story, which is what will capture his interest and inspire him to persevere.

Reading aloud

There are two levels of reading: the level the child can manage on her own, and the level she can understand but cannot read by herself. Don't worry if the level she can manage on her own is lower than you would like. Continue to read aloud to her, choosing stories she enjoys but which are too difficult for her to read on her own. The more a child enjoys listening, the more likely he is to want to learn to read at the level by himself. The Winnie the Pooh stories (A.A. Milne), Thomas the Tank Engine stories (Rev. Awdry), the Just So stories (Rudyard Kipling), and Alice in Wonderland and Alice through the Looking Glass (Lewis Carroll) make ideal choices for reading aloud.

First Readers

A reading series is often a good introduction to story books which can be tackled independently. In a series, the language and vocabulary are kept at a consistent level, even if the titles are by different authors. For example, the Beginner Books series includes titles by Dr. Seuss, like Hop on Pop and The Cat in the Hat; it also includes titles by other authors like The Best Nest by P.D. Eastman and The Digging-est Dog by Al Perkins.

Young Fluent Readers

At this stage children will start developing their own tastes. You can help them assess whether a book is likely to appeal to them by teaching them to look at the cover, dip into the story, or read the synopsis on the back cover or at the front of the book.
Some children go through phases in which they will read only books on a particular theme or by a particular author, or books which you might not consider worthwhile. Leave them to it. It is the pleasure of reading that you want to encourage. Discrimination can come later. So, if they want to read every single title in the 'Animal Ark' series by Lucy Daniels, or they are hooked on the Famous Five or the Secret Seven series by Enid Blyton, be prepared to take them to the library once a week (they should have their own library cards by now) to show your support.

PS: tomorrow I will update on how the reading went ...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My life is a rollercoaster

Or at least it feels that way...

All these ups and downs and turn around. Feels like I'm on a rollercoaster going at 240km/h.

I have so many things on my mind.

1. Devandre: okay so most of you know he is not coping at school. I have discovered that his self-confidence is low. He reads to me perfectly as a grade 3 scholar should read, but seems that at school its a whole different story. He sometimes jumbles his words up, but then corrects it. But, honestly and sadly, when it comes to maths he is struggling. I feel so bad about this and sometimes I hate myself for shouting at him. I have made an appointment at and eye specialist, as well as, with our pead. Will update on what they have to say. Okay so that's school. At home, he is a happy child, although he does not have everything his heart desires we try our best to spoil him as to our definition of being spoilt.

2. Work: I cant say I'm unhappy, but then I cant say that I am with my job. It is starting to get too much of a routine and less of a challenge lately and it bores me although it keeps me busy for at least 2/3 of my day.

3. Family: so my family as usual has had a feud and my mother was once again caught in the middle. But, the one thing that pissed me off is that none of my brothers or sister spent Mother's Day with my mom. They didn't even bother to make it special or anything and my brother L did not even call to wish her. So I don't know how she feels in her heart or what's going on in her mind. I'm just happy that me and my family could spend the day with her.

4. My marriage: I don't know why I feel so stressed and anxious about my marriage lately. We not arguing more then we used to, in fact we had our last argument and make-up on Saturday, but somehow my mind is withdrawing from it all?????? Anyways, it might be because our spare time is being utilised by other interests like Randy and his exercising and me and my books. I hope we're not drifting apart. Or it might be this whole budget thing that is making me feel this way, or even the fact that we no longer share interest in making a baby.

5. My health: I think I'm sick or something. I've been having flu like headaches and sore hips since Saturday. I don't know what it might be or how to put my finger on it. I hope I feel better soon.

6. My car: and the state its in (that's all I have to say about it)

7. My friends: seems that now that we have given up trying all these friend preggy bellies are popping out. Once again I received an email from my other friend who actually wanted to take a bet that she would fall pregnant before me. Well she is about 5 weeks pregnant. That, now makes it 4 friends who are expecting. Though it hurts and I want to hide somewhere, I'm happy for her and I know that we (me & DH) made a mutual agreement to stop trying.

PS: sorry for being such a nag I will try to post something more cheerful in a few days time and hopefully some resolutions to all my problems.

Love ya
Kim

Friday, May 8, 2009

As promised ...

Well, I promised that I would post some of my scrapbook projects so here goes ...


My mommy ... I was just starting out with those whole scrapbook thing (sorry for the blur)


Myself, DH and my son ....

Me and DH ... once again sorry for the blur


Myself and DH

PS: I will post some more on Monday of the ones my son did ....





Thursday, May 7, 2009

This is what life is all about ...

Lately I have been so consumed with TTC that I actually forgot what life was all about ... My life revolved around TTC...

My friends: were not friends anymore but turned into my enemies, because I was just too jealous to face that they can fall pregnant by 'mistake', but we were struggling so long ...

My family: was, as I would say it, 'in my business', because they kept on asking why I'm not pregnant yet and all along this was only out of concern ...

My colleagues: I used to shut out every time I saw a preggy belly or when the girls on the floor would plan someone's babyshower ...

My husband: I used to get so angry with when he wasn't into or didn't feel like BDing, when he was tired, especially over my FERTILE period ... I used to throw tantrums and accuse him of all sorts of things ... YES I was a BITCH and I feel bad ...

My son: I think, no I know I neglected him, that is why he asked me "If you have a baby are you still going to buy me toys or is she going to get more things than me?" BAD BAD mom ...

I was jealous and selfish to be sooo self-absorbed in my own little battle that I neglected the people who cared about and loved me for me ... I therefore ask forgiveness from them ...

I ask them to forgive me for everything I have done, not done, said or not said that made them feel bad about who they are and what role they play in my life. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.

Now that I have that out of the way ...

Life is all about ...

Loving:

  1. Love yourself: I have been making time for myself lately. Just to reflect on what I have, what I've lost, what I will love to achieve. I have even taken up hobbies, i.e. scrapbooking and reading.
  2. Love your family: in saying this I have and will probably still have lots more family disputes ... (Lets face it , this is what family is all about), but I don't regret any one of them. I have devoted myself as a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister and a daughter to my family. I make an effort of spending quality time with my son, my DH and especially my mother. I have forgiven those who have hurt me.
  3. Love your friends: As you have read above, in this dept I sucked BIG time, but I am making up for it. It used to be so bad at one stage that I would ignore phone calls, sms' and emails from them. That is how selfish I was. Hopefully from now on my friendships will blossom.
  4. Love UNCONDITIONAL and TRULY

Giving:

Give back to those who have given one simple thing to you ... LOVE ... give back unto them not only your family, but your friends. Give a smile to a total stranger ... giving does not always have to be materialistic ... Sometimes a simple email or phone call can brighten someone's day ...

Become a teacher:

Teach the people around you new things ... even if it is things that you yourself have just learnt ... sharing knowledge can be powerful and it brings you just so much close to the receiver ...

Planning:

not for what God has instore, but just planning your life with the one you love can be so exciting ... Dh and me are planning to start our own little business ... and it is so exciting planning something so meaningful with the one you love ...

Forgiving and asking for forgiveness:

Yes this is probably the most difficult thing to do, especially if someone whom you love has hurt you ... but nothing feels more satisfying and 'light' as for you to let go and forgive that person fully or for someone to forgive you ... You may not forget what was done ...

Positive affirmations:

Write down positive affirmations about yourself, your surroundings and those close to you and share them with those you love

last but not least ...

LIVING:

life is all about living as you dont know if you will ever live to see tomorrow as tomorrow is not promised ... Live your life to the fullest ... enjoy and capture every moment especially if you have a small memory like me ..

Sheer Beauty ...


This is an email I got from my friend Lilian of a view of Tygerberg this morning.




Your Mother


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

And so my life goes on ...

Well as you all were aware that this was my last official 2ww and as you know or can guess that it was yet another BFN! AF came waltzing into my life this morning ... and to top it all of ... my tummy is bloated and this one colleague says congratulations on your pregnancy?

I have to admit that my hopes were high seeing that we used meds this cycle and that I was 4 days late. But, I guess that we were not meant to have a baby right now. Maybe somewhere in our path we will experience the joys of having a baby.

But for now, we need to concentrate on other aspects in our lives, number one being my son.

He is not coping at school and maybe this is God's way of telling us that we need to focus our attention on him and on family before focusing it on our future child.

Well apart from all this TTC frustrations I am feeling sad and angry, but I know that letting go is something I have to do... not just for me and my well-being but for my son and for my DH.

Well maybe we will try again in 2010 ... we'll have to wait and see when we reach the end of this year. So for now I'm no longer TTC but WTC...

take care readers
xoxoxo

Monday, May 4, 2009

Our weekend

Well our weekend was wonderful. We went to the zoo, despite the weather being so awful and Randy being sick. Well he had flu and seems like I'm getting it as well. He was in bed on Thursday and Friday and Saturday we practically dragged him to go with us.



Well our day at the zoo was cool, but we forgot the camera at home (boo-hoo, I could cry) and had to improvise and use our phones. You will see the pictures are not too clear, but here are a few.






This is my best friend Octavia, her son on her right, my son on her left and her daughter. My son and her son are both named Devandre and are both 8 going on 9. (Weird I know! Can you spot the giraffe in the back?)



Devandre x2 and Lamique with the rhinos in the background.

Well as you can see the pictures are very dark and most of the animals were in their 'cages' because of the cold weather, but we had a great time and the kids loved their day out.

PS: next time I will try and remember the camera.


Grilling Goodness

1. My ex is...such a distant memory. Glad we not together anymore!
2. I should learn to...be a better student of the World. I'm guilty of being lazy and sometimes blocking new things out … I should also try to be a servant to our God.
3. I love...spending time with my family and friends – the ones that add meaning to my life!
4. People would say that I am...blessed. I have a great marriage and a good life.
5. I don't understand...how people can thrive on other people’s problems and why family or friends sometimes stab each other in the back.
6. When I wake up in the morning…I open one eye and stretch then make my way to the bathroom.
7. I lost... many friends while growing up, but I guess that goes hand-in-hand with growing up, because people grow apart.
8. Life is full of...ups and downs. But it is still worth living.

I'm tagging Eve, Mandri, Rentia, Mandy-Leigh, Marthie, Hope, Lilian, Twinkles, Nats, etc.

Christmas countdown